


Dying Only Hurts The First Time

by Enzuri



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Bulges and Nooks, M/M, Rainbow Drinkers, Tentabulges
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-25 01:48:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enzuri/pseuds/Enzuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Eridan Ampora and you always thought those myths were just stories to scare wrigglers until you met him. It turns out monsters are real.</p><p>You have no idea why you're in the club tonight. Not that you don't normally like clubs you just haven't been to one in a while and you never go alone. Except Kanaya called and bailed on you in the last moment and she insisted you still had to go. Said something about how it would make you stop moping about Feferi. You're not even moping about that anymore, she broke up with you more than a sweep ago now, doesn't want you pale or red but that's okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dying Only Hurts The First Time

Your name is Eridan Ampora and you always thought those myths were just stories to scare wrigglers until you met him. It turns out monsters are real.

You have no idea why you're in the club tonight. Not that you don't normally like clubs you just haven't been to one in a while and you never go alone. Except Kanaya called and bailed on you in the last moment and she insisted you still had to go. Said something about how it would make you stop moping about Feferi. You're not even moping about that anymore, she broke up with you more than a sweep ago now, doesn't want you pale or red but that's okay.

Kanaya still says you're moping so here you are, surrounded by spore addled bodies pulsing to a driving beat. You know there was a time you would have been excited to be here but today isn't that time.

Until you see him that is.

You only catch a glimpse of him, at first. He's not tall but there's something about his air that is commanding, even with his hair a disaster zone. Nothing about him should look threatening, his horns are small and nubby, he's not overly built and yet when you lay eyes on him a shiver runs through you. Even though he's across the room you feel like he's staring right at you, his eyes shadowed by the flashing lights. The beat changes and the crowd shifts and he's gone from your sight. You crane you're neck but he's really gone, his place empty when the mob parts again.

Fuck. Well at least you can tell Kanaya that you spotted a hot troll, maybe then she'll get off your ass about moping. You end up caving and ordering a drink, even though you told yourself you would save your money, downing it only to give yourself the courage to get out on the dance floor. You feel kind of like a loser, dancing by yourself but at least its packed enough that no one will notice you by your lonesome, at least that's what you hope as you let go and just let the music move your body to the rhythm. It feels good, to give yourself over like this, loose limbed from the spore. Everything feels like it might be okay.

You're dancing by yourself so you didn't expect to feel a hand come to rest on your hip. When you open your eyes you are face to face with the troll from before and damn he is way past hot from this close up. Your bloodpusher stutters because his eyes seem to hold a fire that's smoldering in your soul. He is the most gorgeous troll you've ever seen, that you've ever even imagined. He doesn't say a word, just holds your other hip and eases into your rhythm like he was born dancing. It's hard to tell under the flashing lights but he seems pale. Not that, that matters because he smells fucking delicious. You don't know if that's cologne or his natural pheromones but either way its making your head spin in all the right ways.

His hands never drift lower than your hips even though you desperately want them to. He doesn't back away when you try to pull him closer at least, hips grinding in a lewd display that you'll be sorry for come dusk. Right now though you don't care, you're practically throwing yourself at him and he hasn't pushed you away yet. There's something magnetic about him, you're drawing in closer, his breath is cool against your skin. His lips are brushing against your gills and it sends electricity running through you. You've always been kind of horrible at social things though, and you ruin the moment by giving him your name. He pulls back a bit and you curse yourself internally. He probably wanted you because you were nameless. The moment is gone.

"Karkat Vantas." His voice is kind of rough but smooth all at once and he offers the name as if he didn't want to part with it.

But he doesn't stop dancing with you. He's got this sort of half smile on his lips now as he grinds against your thigh and fuck, okay yes. He isn't going anywhere yet. You're ready to pull him against a wall and pail him right then and there. You don't know how many songs its been but the bass has changed a few times, each new variant taking your breath away. His hands finally slide lower like you wanted, but they're still not low enough and you bite your lip hard enough to break the skin. You're not sure what it was that you did next to offend you but he's hissing in your ear and his hands flew off of you like you were made of hot coals. His eyes are wide and he almost looks afraid before he whirls away and vanishing back into the crowd. You try to follow but just like before he's gone.  
You curse and stick around a bit, not dancing anymore but hoping he'd come back, telling yourself he just forgot something and would be right back. The lies are hard to swallow, you know you've lost him to the night and eventually you give up and decide to head for home. Outside the club you hear shuffling or something coming from the alley. You assume the spore must have fucked with your common sense because for some reason you think its a good idea to check it out. You're lucky its just some couple making out though your bloodpusher could have done without seeing it, you recognize the messy hair as your mysterious dance partner from before. A shift of your feet and you accidentally knock at something on the ground which draws attention to you. It's then you notice how limp the one troll looks, her eyes closed and hand hanging like a rag doll.

When Karkat looks up at you he's got something dripping from his lips, something that shines bronze in the moonlight.

You run.

You go to Kanaya the next night for information, trolling her as soon as you wake up. You slept off the spore, convinced the night was probably just a bad dream but the clothes you wore to the club still smell like him and the image is too vivid in your mind for a daymare. She seems groggy, you forget sometimes that she doesn't sleep through the day like most trolls. She's intrigued by your tale but thinks its just that, a tale. She asks you not to pull her leg about her love of rainbow drinkers and a shiver runs down your spine. 

A rainbow drinker, that's what he was and you remember how his teeth scraped your gills just a bit and you realize how close you must have come to being dinner. Remembering that feeling gets your bloodpusher thumping and you find yourself with your hands down your pants, biting into the lip that made him depart. You'll be embarrassed later, after the glow of it wears off, that you made a mess of yourself thinking about that. Shit how you wish it was his hands on you, him fingers up your nook and tangling with your bulge.

You have an idea, it's probably a terrible one, no it's definitely a terrible one but you have it none the less you return to the club the next night, and the night after that and the night after that, going when it opens and not leaving until last call, hoping to catch a glimpse of him again. Your single minded in your visits, never dancing, finding the best place to see as much of the club as you can. You spend the money to get into the VIP section, its raised and looks out over most of the crowd. You order drinks but never finish them, mostly ordering so that the club owner doesn't have a reason to ask you to leave. He doesn't care what you do as log as he's making money.

You also ignore all other trolls in the club. Always. When some olive blood comes up to you, clearly trying to flirt you don't give her the time of day. She's only over here because she can see you have money. She couldn't have made it any more obvious with the way her fingers ran over the rings on your hand and eyes flickered over to the VIP booth you'd just emerged from. She's thicker than most, doesn't get the message right away that you have no interest in her, for pailing or otherwise. When she finally storms off it's late, dawn is approaching and you're ready to call it a night. Stupid girl distracted you, what if tonight was the night he was here? You're still distracted with your own thoughts when you leave the club. That's why you don't hear them until it's too late.

Turns out she had a matesprit who, even though you wouldn't give her girl the time of day, still thinks you deserve to be punished for talking to her. You tell the troll to get the olive blood a leash if she's that possessive and that earns you a solid punch that's completely platonic. There's more than one troll, lackeys of the first and they pin you done while she starts to make short work of your face. You start to actually get worried when you hear the soft sound of a knife, see the metal glinting in her hand. A beating you can handle but a knife, that's a different story. You struggle, hard, but it's no use, you actually had two drinks this time and you're feeling the tingling of it in your limbs. It makes them not want to work properly. You don't cry but in your head you say a silent goodbye to Kanaya and kick yourself for never asking her to be your moirail. You're pale enough for her you should have but now it's too late.

You grit your teeth and hiss, looking pathetic trying to scare them. You blink and the troll is gone, smashed against a wall, a black clothed figure standing over her. You're dropped and in the process your head hits the wall, colouring your vision with black and flecks of light. You can't focus on the fighting that you're hearing because there's a ringing in your ears that leaves you feeling disoriented. You think you hear something about someone having red blood and to get the fucking drones but you're not sure. There's still a scuffle between the mystery troll in black and one of the lackeys when you hear a hum that sends a spike of dread through your blood pusher. You know they aren't here for you but drones aren't exactly anything but intimidating. 

The lackey scrambles the fuck out of the of the alley and you would have done the same if your think pan could get your legs to work but they just sort of push uselessly against the ground. The drones swarm the troll who came in to save you, he turns for just a moment to meet your eyes. It's Karkat with red rolling down his chin from a split lip. For a moment you wonder if the candy red is because of what he is before the drones descend on him. 

You scream.

You don't move from your spot, that candy red has started to seep into the fabric of your pants and you can feel it on your face. You'd never seen a real culling before and you wish you could still say the same. Your stomach heaves but its already emptied its contents on the pavement next to you, the mangled body of your saviour left only a few feet away. Fuck. The sun's going to be up soon but you can't get yourself to move. Now your legs won't even flop uselessly, all you can do is close your eyes and try to erase the memories of the last hour from your mind.

You don't notice the sound of something dragging itself along the pavement, don't notice what's going on in front of you while you're trying to lose yourself in you head. The voice does get your attention because you've only heard it once but you would know it anywhere. It's impossible, he was taken apart by the drones, he can't still be alive except when you crack one eye open he standing there, straightening his mostly ruined shirt, rolling his shoulders like he's stiff. If you weren't already freaked out you would probably be panicking because this is the proof you needed to prove to you he's not a troll, not anymore. Just some undead monster who wears the guise of one. 

"You're still here." He frowns down at you, you must have made some sound to draw his attention. He can see in your face how scare you are, how lost in the reality of everything and that softens his expression. "Come on we have to get out of here, the sun's coming up." 

The sun is already peeking through with the first light of dawn and you still can't seem to get your feet to work. Even though he's probably the same size as you at best he still manages to lift you as if you weigh nothing. Maybe to him you don't, you remember how easily it looked like the one troll was thrown against the wall. You have no idea where he's taking you. You don't pay any attention to your surroundings, your eyes are locked on his face. With the sun starting to come up you can see just how ghostly pale he is, red still splattered on his cheek. You finally get a part of you to move when you reach up to wipe it away. He seems startled by the action but there's a smile on his lips that's barely there after.

The hive he takes you to looks run down on the outside but inside its clearly been well kept. You wonder how long he's lived here, in this place. There's only a few other hives near by and at least one of them looks like it's marked for demolition. Some of the design of it looks old though, even on the inside, like it was done in a style that hadn't been popular since before this Empress. All square corners and dated looking piles. Still something about it felt warm and inviting and the shock of the night is starting to wear off when he sets you down in one of the main piles. 

He doesn't sit himself, instead he watches you from across the room after he tugs off his ruined shirt. His chest is just as pale as his face and he looks almost white in the light that's spilling in from one of his windows. It's free of any scars or markings to show what he just went through, it's as if the fight had never happened. You almost want to reach out and run your fingers along him but he's too far away and that would be inappropriate and probably rude. Not that you aren't being rude right now, staring like you are, but you can't help it. 

"Are you alright?" His voice is gruff as he asks but his eyebrows are furrowed like he's worried. 

"Are you a rainbow-w drinker?" You don't answer his question, the bump you got on your head seems to have erased your filter, at least temporarily as you ask the one thing you probably shouldn't.

"Yes. That doesn't answer my question though asshole, are you alright?" He sounds annoyed or something and you almost laugh at his irritation but you realize before you do that would probably be a bad idea. 

"I'm okay. Just a couple a bruises. An' my pride w-was w-wounded but other than that I'm fine." There's a weird silence that hangs in the air after you answer. It's heavy and you try to bear it but it feels like it's crushing you under the weight of it. You can't just not ask, you need to know. "W-why did you sav-ve me?" 

"I don't know. Because you didn't deserve to get your ass kicked by those dipshits?" He sounds pissed off that you felt like you had to ask and there's tension in the way he flops down on a pile opposite to you. 

"W-why'd you leav-ve that one night?"

For a second it looks like he doesn't know what you're talking about or like he's just not going to give you a response but then he sighs. "Look, I made it a rule not to eat anyone who's name I know. You saved your ass when you told me yours. I left because you fucking smelled amazing when you bit your lip and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to hold up to the damned rule. Good enough reason for you?"

"Yeah." You try not to let disappointment colour your voice even though your bloodpusher feels like it just dropped through the floor. A part of you, a big part had hoped he didn't bite you because you're you, but it was just you name.

"What no more questions?" You can't tell if that upsets him or not, he's looking at you strangely.

"How-w old are you? How-w'd you end up like this?" You're pretty sure he wasn't inviting more questions but they sort of spill out of your mouth anyway.

"Jesus fuck, why don't you ask every damned question then." He sighs in a huff of air but his expression has turned thoughtful. "Old enough to have seen the last shitty monarch before this one. I don't fucking know how many sweeps exactly I stopped counting a while ago. As for how I ended up in this crap encrusted form of assmunchery, I wad raised by a rainbow drinker. When I got to what she deemed was old enough she turned me. Don't know what happened to her, its been sweeps since I last saw her."

"Oh." Your head is throbbing now, aching in your think pan and you reach back to touch your tender skull. Your hair is sticky and wet and it takes you a minute to realize what that means. "I think I'm bleedin'."

"You are. I can fucking smell it from here."

"Shit. I'm sorry. Fuck, I... I should go then right?" You struggle to try and get to your feet but you're still dizzy and your legs don't want to work so you stumble.

"Sit your ass back down." He catches you and doesn't quite shove you back into the pile. "I'm not thirsty like I was at the stupid club. I'm not going to bite you, relax. I need to fucking clean you up or your going to get an infection or some shit like that."

He disappears into the bowels of his hive and comes back with what looks like half of the contents of a first aid kit. Karkat seats himself behind you and you can smell the clean sting of medical supplies. This close to you, you can feel it when his next breath is shaky but you fail to say anything about it because whatever his cleaning your head with hurts like a mother fucker and you're swearing. You're sure he's trying to be gentle but apparently there's grit and dirt and other shit that shouldn't be there in your scalp and he's taking his sweet ass time getting it all out. Right now you'd rather the infection than this slow and torturous plucking feeling on your head, even if this did come with Karkat pressed up against you.

At some point you get numb to the sting of it and you start to drift into the void again. You can hear something, you think it's talking but everything is foggy and you ignore it because you're trying to sleep. After all the sun's up. You pulled from that darkness by a sharpness on one of your gills and the complaint you have spilling from your lips isn't made up of proper words.

"Do not go to sleep idiot. You hit your head. Your think pan is mangled. Stay up." You grumble and attempt to ignore him but the feeling on your neck repeats and you realize that it's his mouth on your gills and that gets something distant stirring within you. It's not enough to bring you back to the present though because you know better than to think anything is going to come of it. "I'm fucking serious. I will find a way to keep you awake if you don't listen shit stain." 

You don't answer and this time their's a soft sucking on your gill and a tongue running along the edge and fuck yes that gets your attention. You try to protest, he doesn't need to do that but he ignores you and repeats the action and you're so, so okay with that. His lips move up to one of your fins and it takes you a moment to realize that he moaned when you did. His breathing is just as shallow as yours and he keeps sucking at your fin. You don't stop him even though there's something about it that hurts just a little it. Some part of you remembers that you scraped that fin earlier and his tongue is passing over raw parts of one of your tines but you don't stop him. 

"Fuck I forgot how good you seadwellers taste." He sounds reluctant when he pulls away from your fin but it's to lick along your neck and that's more than perfect. One of his hands is sliding along the front of you now, tugging at your shirt as if it's in the way. He claims as much a moment later, in a voice that sounds husky, almost raw. "Hey fuck face, let me check to make sure the rest of you is okay too." 

"Okay." Your voice is just as strained sounding and you tug your shirt off fast enough that it makes you wince. Karkat chuckles at your eagerness, his fingers tracing over your skin, careful on the fresh bruises. You shiver into his fingertips even though you're anything but cold. His lips trail down your spine, hands stopping at the waistband of your pants. He doesn't go any further than that, doesn't assume it's okay. "Hold on."

You stand up and take a minute to let the dizziness pass before you shimmy out of your pants. You leave your underwear on, for modesty's sake but its obvious how turned on you are. Purple is starting to stain the fabric from your nook and your unsheathed bulge. You worry you're being presumptuous when you sit back down but when his hands return to your body you can feel the skin of his chest and that makes you feel better because he's taken his shirt off. He's warm to your touch, warmer than any other troll you've known and it heats you to your core. Especially when the pads of his fingers run up your calves to your thighs, hesitating over your knees. You let out a desperate and hungry chirp when he seemingly pulls away and that makes him chuckle.

"I can't get my pants off if you don't get up genius." 

You tumble to the floor, hitting knees but not even noticing. You're struggling to get to your feet when you feel hands on the waistband of your underwear, there's a light tugging on the elastic. They have to be peeled away, your nook is so wet that its made the fabric cling to you. His hands run over your hips and slid down to run along the swollen folds of your nook. Drifting into unconsciousness is so not a thing you're going to be doing anymore. 

"Do... do you want to?" He sounds weirdly uncertain as his bulge traces the curve of your ass.

"Fuck yes." You sound desperate as fuck but you don't care. You just want his bulge inside you already. He does exactly that, the tip working its way in as you moan. He manages to get himself flush against you before you grind back into him. He curls and coils inside you, pulsing against your pleasure nodes. You're making sounds you didn't know you could make, some combination of chirps and moans as you rest on your hand and knees. His talons don't scrape but they lightly drag down your back and it feels fucking perfect. Soft pads of fingers trace your gills so carefully and your back arches to push your hips even more against him.

You were more than content with just his bulge inside your nook but his hand finds your unattended organ and you slump to your elbows, catching your lip in your teeth. You're too far gone to stop yourself from making that same mistake from the club that night, buying hard enough the salt of your blood runs over your tongue. He doesn't stop though, working his hips against your ass in a more driving rhythm now. With the dual sensations and the still a little addled think pan you realize you aren't going to be able to hold out for long. You're trying to anyway though, even though you can feel the walls of your nook rippling around him. He seems to notice the change, he changes his rhythm until he's managed to hit your seedflap and you know you can't hold on if he does that again.

"F-fuck. I'm close, need, nn- a bucket."

"No, it's okay. Let go."

He thrusts his hips in again to tease your seedflap and your spill over purple with a wordless cry. He rides out your orgasm before his bulge slips from you, leaving you too empty as he coats your back with his red slurry. It drips down your legs and swirls with your own purple as you shakily breath and try to steady yourself. His hands are soft as they rub your back and stay that way as he gently raises you up and pulls you into his arms once more. His breathing is just as heavy and you're not sure which of you started purring first but the rumbling passes from one chest to the other. You both just stay like that until you're feeling uncomfortably sticky. As if he reads your mind he gets to his feet, taking you with him, keeping you steady.

"Let's get you to the trap before you get too disgusting."

You just nod and shuffle along, your lip throbbing painfully at the cut you left. He pauses at a door and turns himself to face you properly. His lips meet yours in the first real kiss the two of you have shared. It's sweet and delicious and oddly tender with his hand in your cheek and hip. You could stay like his forever, just kissing him. The pailing had been fucking amazing but this is better still. He tastes just like you imagined he would. He must have gotten caught up in the moment as well, shifting to pull you closer for the intimacy of it, not out of lust. You don't want to be the first to break it but you waiver a bit, your knees still a little weak. He ushers you into the trap, insisting on joining you because you clearly can't do it by yourself right now. He looks gruff about it but there's a tenderness in his hands that you're quickly getting addicted to.

He keeps you with him the whole day, carrying you home in the twilight. He's annoyed with your hive's location but when you invite him to stay he almost does. When he leaves it's only after another of those kisses and a promise to check up on you. Karkat slips a piece of paper into your hand, it's got his trollian handle on it. A way to keep in touch the note claims, that doesn't involve you needing to have your ass saved from jealous trolls. You sink into your recuperacoon with the biggest smile on your dark lips.

You promise to tell Kanaya what happened that night but you want to tell her the story in person. It takes a few weeks but your schedules finally sync up enough for you to make the trek out to her hive. You're on your way there when a troll catches your eye. They're sticking to the shadows, moving like they're made of liquid stealth and it's hard for you to tell what they look like. Until they confront you of course. You almost look like you're staring up at your moirail, sweeps from now except her skin is so pale it almost looks like it's glowing. Fuck maybe it is glowing, you're in an alleyway and there's soft illumination on the walls closest to her. You pick up your pace trying to get away but she's so fast and so quiet.

"So you're the little seadweller who's caught his eye. I can see why." The a weight to her every word and she sounds like she speaks so carefully. You know you should be running right now, because something is not right but you can't figure out what. It's like there's a fog in your think pan, a jade coloured mist. Something is screaming inside you to pull away, to call out but when her hand touches your cheek that jade fog takes over everything and you're gone.

It's a struggle for you to get out of the darkness. Your eyelids are too heavy and you only manage to open them a sliver before the effort is too great. There's a mangled sound that rings loudly in your ears, startling you until you realize that you made the sound yourself. Your mouth won't work beyond a groan and you can't move. When you try to there's a sharp pain that races through to every tip of your body and the groan is more of a shout. You don't understand what's hurting like this, you were fine not long ago. You can't even muster up the energy to cry as the shadows close in on you again and drag you under.

Shouting is what brings you back to reality the next time. Someone is yelling though whoever they're yelling at must be talking or not here because the one voice is all you can make out.

"-fuck were you thinking? Dumbest fucking idea ever! What did you do to him?"

Sounds almost like Karkat but it hurts too fucking much to focus long enough to even know. It's only confirmed to be him when you feel a hand or something on your shoulder and your force your eyes open. His form is blurry but its him. You'd recognize those furrowed eyebrows anywhere, and that mouth for that matter. You open your own lips to say something, anything but he stops you at a groan, finger pushing them back to closed. He looks as though he wants to say something but it's silence that meets your ears. His eyes looked so pained and you don't understand.     
"Fucking damnit. He's too far gone. I fucking hate you in the most platonic rage way possible. How the fuck could you do this to him. To me?"

You raise a hand to place it on his cheek, it hurts so much you almost lose yourself to it again. When you look at it, even through the blur and haze you can see it's got purple streaking and bruising. You still don't know what the fuck is wrong with you but it's serious. More serious than you want to admit to yourself. His eyes tell you that. You can see he's struggling with something but you can't ask him what, your voice still doesn't work.

"Fuck. I didn't want to do it like this." He leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. "Eridan. I promise you. Dying only hurts the first time." 

His lips shift to your neck and you manage to scream at the feeling of something sharp piercing through your skin. The world goes dark again, the shadows bubbling at the edge of your vision.

You don't wake. It's not like your consciousness shakes free the depths of sleep. No. You are just suddenly  aware. The light is bright but it doesn't sting your eyes at it might have once. You sit up, something about it feel strange but just because the pain is completely gone. There's something different about your muscles, about your body. It's like everything is made of liquid steel as you get to your feet. You feel indestructible. Your tongue runs over your teeth and you find your normally sharp teeth come to an even sharper point now. When you feel the call of the sun from the window you realize what must be going on. A hand that flutters to your neck finds the pin point signs of your fate.

"I'm sorry. I never meant for it to happen like this."

"I'm a rainbow drinker now-w, aren't I?"

"Yeah. You are." You turn to face Karkat, he won't look at you. His face looks more tortured than before, as if it's been permanently etched that way until you lay your hand on his shoulder. Then he looks surprised. You lean in to kiss him, soft and sweet like that first one. You stay like that until you feel his arms lock around you.

"I know-w you didn't mean for it. But w-we can make it w-work." There's something strong that ties you to him now, an intangible string that links him to you. He's your sire and you'll never be able to sever it. You don't want to sever it. You don't know if he feels the same but when he kisses you back it doesn't matter because it feels like eternity in his lips. 


End file.
